When Helping Hurts: How Leaders Can Offer Support Without Triggering Frustration

The best leaders want to help their people, but when and how we offer that help has a huge impact on everything from motivation and autonomy to productivity and engagement.

A recent study from Stress & Health (link below) shows how unwanted help from coworkers and supervisors increases frustration and limits autonomy leading to lower productivity and engagement.

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/smi.3415

So how can leaders lean in and help without triggering a negative response?

Understand the Impact of Unwanted Help

Offering help might seem harmless and supportive, but when that help is unsolicited or poorly timed, it can have detrimental effects. It can create a gap between your intent and effect leading to:

1. Increased Frustration: When employees receive help they didn’t ask for, it can make them feel undermined or incapable, leading to heightened frustration and lower engagement.
2. Reduced Autonomy: Autonomy is crucial for employee satisfaction and performance. Unwanted help can make employees feel micromanaged and strip away their sense of control over their work.
3. Lower Productivity: The frustration and diminished autonomy resulting from unwanted help can lead to disengagement, which negatively impacts productivity.

If you want to avoid these pitfalls, you must find a balance between being supportive and respecting their team's autonomy. Here are some strategies you can try:

1. Ask Before You Help

Why It Matters: Offering help without being asked can be perceived as intrusive or patronizing regardless of your intent.

How to Implement:

• Check In: Instead of jumping in with solutions, ask your team if they need assistance. Questions like, "Is there anything you need support with?" or "How can I assist you?" show that you are ready to help but also respect their independence and support their autonomy.
• Wait for a Request: Encourage a culture where employees feel comfortable asking for help when they need it. Let them know your door is always open. Make sure when failures pop up they become learning moments rather than disciplinary events.
  

2. Provide Resources, Not Solutions

Why It Matters: Empowering your people to solve problems on their own fosters autonomy and confidence. This is a great way to start building a growth mindset within your organization.

How to Implement:

• Share Tools and Resources: Instead of solving the problem for them, provide the tools or resources they might need. For example, you could say, "Here are some resources that might help. Let me know if you want to discuss them further."
• Connect People to Experts & Stakeholders: Remove walls between your people and others with information or insight they need. Facilitate the connections where needed. This will help your people grow and build trust with you.
• Encourage Problem-Solving: Offer to brainstorm solutions together rather than dictating what they should do. This collaborative approach supports their autonomy and skill development. A bonus, you will find solutions you had never considered creating growth opportunities for yourself as well as your people.

3. Cultivate an Open Communication Culture

Why It Matters: Clear and open communication ensures that help is given when needed and appreciated. Possibly more importantly, it also helps your people feel more comfortable asking for help, reducing the chance that problems go undiscovered until it’s too late.

How to Implement:

• Regular Check-Ins: Have regular one-on-one meetings where employees can express their needs and concerns. Use these check-ins to gauge where they might need support.
• Retrospectives: These are short team problem solving and continuous improvement workshops that encourage collaboration and trust building. Typically, we encourage teams to hold retrospective every 2 weeks for 30 min or less.
• Active Listening: Practice active listening to understand their perspective fully before offering help. Reflect on what they say and validate their feelings and experiences.

4. Empower Through Delegation

Why It Matters: Delegating appropriately can help your people feel trusted and valued. Done right, delegation also provides growth opportunities for your teams increasing the complexity and value of the solutions they can produce.

How to Implement:

• Assign Responsibilities: Delegate tasks that align with their strengths and career goals. Make it clear you trust them to handle these responsibilities.
• Delegate Authority not Tasks: Where possible, give people authority to solve a problem rather than complete a task. This helps engage their problem solving mindset and promotes growth.
• Provide Guidance, Not Orders: When delegating, offer guidance and be available for questions, but avoid micromanaging. Allow them to take ownership of their tasks.

5. Encourage Peer Support Networks

Why It Matters: Sometimes, support from peers is more effective and less intimidating than from a supervisor.

How to Implement:

• Mentorship Programs: Establish mentorship programs where experienced employees can offer guidance to newer team members.
• Collaborative Projects: Encourage team projects where employees can support each other. Peer support can feel less hierarchical and more collaborative. Tailored and structured workshops are a great way to build collaboration and accelerate progress.

The Wrap Up

As leaders, we have the best intentions when offering help, but the timing and manner of that help are crucial. By asking before helping, providing resources, fostering open communication, empowering through delegation, and encouraging peer support, leaders can offer assistance in a way that enhances rather than hinders productivity and engagement, closing the gap between their intent and effect.