Vacations, like plans, never survive contact with the enemy. In this case, and just for the sake of having a label, let’s call the enemy… children.
All kidding aside, this vacation has been teaching me more than I thought it would when we started out, and the lessons, while not new, are worth sharing.
The reality is, yesterday ended on a rough note for a variety of reasons, not least of which was jet lag and the need to let go of some precious plans for the next day. As I’m sitting here this morning, while my family sleeps, and looking out my window onto the streets of Rome to reflect on yesterday’s events, I have thoughts…
It will look different for different people. Some may cry, others yells, and a few may just shut down. The result is the same, they (or you) have withdrawn from the experience in a way that takes others with them (or you).
Empathy.
It’s really that simple even if it can be really hard in the moment.
Plans are being upended, scenes are being made, and there are a lot of really big emotions being felt all around. It’s more important than ever to have the emotional intelligence to take a step back, breathe, and stop feeding the storm. It’s hard, and I didn’t do it well yesterday.
So, when you fail (and you will sometimes), give yourself some grace and forgiveness, and then wade back in with empathy and compassion. Maybe even start with an apology! I can tell you from experience, it works.
It’s easy to get caught up in your own world, in your own experience, in the best of times, let alone when you are crossing something off your bucket list. When we are so focused on us and our needs, it’s easy to lose our connection to others and their needs whether they are other tourist, your kids, or your parents.
We’ve all seen the parents ignoring their kids, or the one tourist tapping into their “main character energy”, or the kids who are just done playing along even though it’s just started.
I’m not saying we cannot focus on ourselves, that’s important as well, but we must balance it with staying connected to the world around us. It’s that connection that helps short-circuit the “losing it” above.
I also think that when we remember to connect with the people around us it only enriches the experience as we gain useful and new outside perspectives. And, we are social creatures whose brains light up when we have shared experiences.
So, just remember to stay connected.
had A LOT of personal reasons to come to Italy, but the main reason I came was to be with my family. I wanted to share this experience with them and I wanted my children to experience the awe and weight of history of Italy in general and Rome in specific.
The moment I lost sight of that main goal, it became all about me.
The moment my kids lost sight of that main goal, it became all about them.
We weren’t aligned. I wanted to keep going, they didn’t, and we couldn’t find a middle path.
If I could go back and do it again, I would have done things differently. For instance, we probably would have had way more goal focus with more sleep… we didn’t have to hit the streets of Rome at 8am. Or, it would not have been the end of the world to head back to our room for a mid-day nap so we could have an awesome afternoon. (FYI, we did have a mid-day nap and it did make the afternoon great, it was just a miserable fight getting there).
I could go on, but the reality is we had all lost sight of the goal and it caused a lot of miscommunication and struggle.
One of the worst parts of yesterday’s struggle was we all ended the day focused on the struggle.
A lot of good things happened, a lot of fun was had, and some amazing sights were seen. That was all forgotten for portions of yesterday.
My plan for this morning is to bring up the smiling photos, and yes we have them even with the struggle, and reground everyone in the “good stuff” and the connection. Start the day off with the reminder that even when things are hard we are still together, we still love each other, and we can still have an amazing experience.
In the business world, I always hear the saying “It’s a marathon, not a sprint” and I’ve even said it myself.
The reality is, very few people have the ability to run a marathon, and even marathons are grueling experiences that leave people exhausted by the end and barely functioning the next day.
A marathon is not a maintainable pace.
A brisk walk on the other hand? Most people could do that every day for their whole life without a problem.
Don’t make things a marathon.
At some point, the value of holding on to something will be surpassed by the value of doing something else.
If you’re overworked, blind to the good stuff, lost sight of the goal, unconnected to those around you, and upset at people for losing it (or losing it yourself) you will miss all the signals that it’s the right time to let go.
You will become the problem.
Don’t become the problem.
Learn when to let go.